Thought Provoking

Today when I got up to check out the blogs that I like to follow I was punched in the gut. I did not realize that I was doubting myself as much as I was. I know that I am a bit scared to be writing this blog. Writing about my adoption, about the things that I can remember when I was a child before the adoption. Things that happened to me after the adoption and life in general.

I know that God wants me to write about this, or at least I think He does. When I think He wants me to do something I can feel it in my heart. Like when I needed to take my oldest out of public school when we lived in Texas. God laid that on my heart, it was heavy and that feeling did not leave me until I took her out and my son. Once I started homeschooling them that heavy burden on my heart did not lift. I knew that was God telling me that I must homeschool them. I have never looked back and I know that if God wants me to stop homeschooling my son then He will let me know.

I have had that feeling about this blog off and on. Or at least I did a year ago when I really started this blog and I wanted to write about weight loss, Bible study, homeschooling, and that was about it. I never wanted to talk about my adoption and the rough things (OK lightly put) that have happened to me. After writing a post on my Facebook page out of total frustration did these things come to fruition. I found out a couple of my friends on Facebook were adopted and they wanted to find their biological parents and wanted to know the process of finding them and the emotional aspect of it.

Does that mean I have to go into the nitty gritty of it all? About my past? Can't I just talk about the process? Can't I just talk about the emotional roller coaster that it was? Why would God want me to go into the other details of my life? Why does that have to be so important? Why do I have to dig into that and go through those emotions also? Isn't just reliving the emotional roller coaster of the past 2 years enough?

As I face these questions God brought me to a post from Jessie Prestridge from Notmyownblog. Her post Just Obey hit me between the eyes and it hurt like nothing else. She could not of said it any better. I just need to obey God and He will show me where this blog is going to take me. He will show me who will come to this blog.

I think that part of the reason I have this blog is because God wants me to heal. He wants me to show others that you can heal from your past. That He can heal us and make us a new person. A person that loves God, a person that can help others heal from their past.

I am also worried about this blog because it is brand new. I found Jessie's post from Good Morning Girls blog. Courtney wrote a post 2 of My Ministry Flops & Why You Should Keep Leading. She showed that even when you are just starting out (like I am) that God can and will do amazing things with your ministry. It might not be right away, like you want it to be.

So, please bear with me while I figure all of this out. I pray that we will all walk with God and God takes this ministry to places I could never imagine. Thank you ladies: Jessie and Courtney for your thought provoking posts.

Tammy