Adoption Series

Hello once again!

     I know this is the 2nd posting in a single day! All be amazed right? Well, I feel this needs for me to write a post about before A. I forget and B. I chicken out. Today I wrote on my Facebook Page about things that happened this past year. I mentioned my biological mom, dad, and step-father (I guess you would call him that? I don't know). I did not know that my writing some stuff about that would actually effect people the way it did. I was approached about writing things down about the process and the feelings on how I have felt through all of this. So, I am going to do just that. I know that I can help other people out there. I know I can help other people through their fear of: do I want to meet my biological parents, do I want to know who I look like. do I have other siblings, and many many more questions that are out there. I will also do a lot of research on adoption and looking to see how people can find those that they want to find.

     Tomorrow I will start with my story. The reason why I was put up for adoption (or the reason I think I was, there are many stories surrounding this). How I felt when I found out about why I was put up for adoption. Plus, many other things. I want to forewarn you right now my story is not for the weak at heart, the one that closes their eyes to those that have harm done to them. Those that want to turn their backs on the evil that is within society.

     I must say upfront right now: I am sorry mom and dad! That you have to find out things this way. That I never came to you and told you these things on my own. I must tell you the reason for it is I did not think you would believe me. I felt you might think I was making it all up. I still feat you might think this. I can tell you why I think this in a private message. But, please believe that everything I say is the truth. I am holding nothing back. I need to purge this from my system. I need to heal, I need to let it go, I need to move on with my life and if I keep hanging on to this then I cannot do so. Maybe with this insight you might understand a bit on why I acted the way I did in high school? Why I acted certain ways. I do want you to know right now that if it wasn't for the two (2) of you adopting me and loving me, my life would of turned out really bad. I want you to know how much I love the both of you and how much I have always loved you even though I know I don't show it all to well at times. I have the utmost respect for you both always have. I see you as my saving grace. As the only people who loved me enough to want me. To this day I still struggle within myself and wonder why no one wanted me until you guys. Why the people who were to protect me did not do so. I have been dealing with a lot lately and I apologize for not including you in this struggle. This is something I must deal with. I am sorry you have to read all this here and now. This is the only way for me to do this mom and dad.

     Come back tomorrow and see the start of my journey through life and adoption and the finding for my biological family. How the state lied to me for years. How my biological mother lied to me, to my biological father and much more. Some days you might want a tissue handy, some days you might want to hit someone (I know I sure do!), or any other league of emotions. Please feel free to comment good, bad, ugly, etc.